Heart & Soul Read online

  A hand grabs at my arm stopping me. “Cassidy?” His voice hoarse and full of pain. That voice, oh god. It hasn’t changed at all. Slowly I turn, breathing deeply before I face him. Letting the shutters of my heart slide down, I turn, looking him straight into the eyes.

  “Elliott.”

  “Wow! I don’t know what to say. You’re still here?”

  “Yep, some of us can’t just up and leave, I have a life here.” I can’t help but be snide, it’s my way of protecting myself. His face is just as gorgeous as ever, his eyes worldlier maybe... you know like... ‘been there, done that’. Sighing I move away from him with glasses in my hand.

  “Cass?”

  “Look, Elliott, I have a job to do and I’m not doing it standing here, I need this job.”

  “You look good.” He sighs, “more beautiful than I remember.” A pained expression crosses his face.

  “Thanks. So, do you.”

  Walking away at this moment is probably the easiest thing I’m going to do right now. He doesn’t need to hear what I have to say or don’t say as the case maybe. “I have to go,” I tell the gorgeous bearded god that’s standing in front of me, he looks even more gorgeous than he did before he left.

  With every step I take I can feel his eyes burning into me more and more, I don’t look back - I can’t. I walk until I turn the corner and I’m back behind the safety of the bar.

  The singing starts again, I ignore everyone including Carson, he really is at the top of my shit list right now, mainly for not telling me. He was Elliott’s best friend back when we were younger, he knows how broken up I was why would he do this? I make sure I keep myself busy, so he can’t stop me to talk if I’m not behind the bar I’m out getting glasses and wiping tables over. I haven’t seen him for a while though. As I turn I’m grabbed and pulled through the staff door.

  “What the fuck is wrong with people grabbing at me tonight?” I curse.

  Carson’s hands grip onto my biceps to keep me in place.

  “Cass, listen to me. I’m sorry. It was out of the blue. He’s back home he was saying he may need to find a job, we needed a singer, I offered it him. I’m sorry.” Seeing the worried expression on his face melts my ice heart for a second.

  “Okay, I forgive you... only a little.”

  “Did you ever tell him?”

  “I haven’t spoken to him in, Ten. Years. Carson!”

  I want to stamp my foot like a child having a tantrum to get my point across. “When did I have a chance to tell him? You really are stupid sometimes you know. It’s a good job I’ve known you so long.” He smirks. He knows what a twat he is at times.

  “He’s working here Fridays and Sundays, it won’t be that bad.”

  Sighing out loud I walk away from him before I punch him. No, of course, it won’t! “Fucking men! Have no clue whatsoever!” I shout, pushing the door open that hard it bangs off the wall and I march away. It won’t be that bad, I just have to work alongside the man that abandoned me for his rock star life.

  Once Elliott has finished his set he sits at the bar and has a pint with Carson, while Sam and I clean up and shoo the rest of the straddlers out. My eyes keep straying back to him, talk about a sight for sore eyes. I move around doing my job, but Elliott’s eyes barely leave me. Carson taps the stool next to him. “Hey, babe, why don’t you sit down for a minute?” I frown in confusion, why the fuck is he calling me that? I sit down as Carson’s arm goes around my shoulder. I look at his hand like it a poisonous creature. Elliott doesn’t miss it either as his eyes narrow. Gripping his hand, I take it from where it’s resting.

  “So, Cass, how have you been?”

  “Fine. just great really,” I answer sarcastically. Not able to sit through niceties I get up. “Excuse me I have a job to finish.” Carson and I get up at the same time, but he goes off through the staff door and comes out with his hands full, handing me and Sam our belongings.

  “Why don’t you two get off. I can finish up here. Sam is off like a rocket shouting bye as the door shuts behind her.

  “Are you sure? I haven't put the dishwasher on or anything?”

  “I'm sure. Ell and I are gonna have a nightcap.” He walks me from the behind the bar and kisses my cheek, “see you later babe.” Elliott’s eyes blaze as they meet mine, but I don’t know how to handle this right now. What the fuck is Carson up to? His blank gaze moves to Carson.

  “Forget that drink. I’m tired from driving and playing so I’m gonna head off.” He says eyeing Carson. “Later!”

  He storms from the pub, letting the door slam behind him. Turning my angry gaze back to Carson, my hand flies out and hits the target I’m aiming for. The slap echoes in the empty pub as it connects with his cheek.

  “Don’t ever do that to me again! You hear me?” I seethe.

  “It was a joke.” He exclaims as he rubs his cheek. Shaking my head at his poor humour, I storm away from him and towards the door.

  “Some joke!”

  “What do you care? He left you!”

  “Yeah, he did. But you’re supposed to be his friend.”

  Instead of saying anything else I quietly leave.

  Chapter Ten

  Elliott

  I’ve been lying here awake for ages now, I just can’t get her out of my mind. Why wouldn’t Carson tell me she worked for him for a start and what the fuck was that all about at the end of the night? Kissing her on the cheek and calling her babe? I know I have no right to her anymore and that was my fault for being a coward, but he’s supposed to be a mate. Is that why he offered me a job, was it some way of torturing me? I’ll soon find out later when I ask the little fucker. My mind goes back ten years…

  I need to see her, I need to ask her why she hasn’t answered my letters. It’s killing me not being with her - these last couple of months have been torture, I need to see her!

  A car pulls up across the road, parking up outside. I think my eyes are deceiving me when I see Cassidy sat in the car with Carson. Sinking down into the seat so they can’t see me inside I wait and watch. He wraps his arm around her and pulls her in, she kisses his cheek. My blood begins to boil so much that I want to drag him from the car and kick the fuck out of him. My fist tightens around the steering wheel until I have no feeling in it. She steps from the car and holds up her hand looking thoughtfully at him - looking at him the way she used to look at me…

  I miss her so much, I miss kissing her, holding her in my arms. Stepping from my car over the road from her house, I look up, the drainpipe is still there, I used to climb that all the time to jump onto the shelter above the front door, so I could to get in through her window. Smiling to myself at the memory I step closer and knock on the door.

  “Well, look what the cat dragged in,” she sighs annoyed. “What do you want?”

  “Hello, Mrs. Summers. Is Cass here?”

  “No. Sorry.” The door begins to close so I stop it with my hand.

  “Do you know where I’ll find her? I need to see her.”

  Looking at me with the only thing I can describe as dislike, she adds. “Yeah, she went out with that lovely lad, Carson. Nice boy. She’s with him a lot these days.”

  My stomach drops at the thought of Cass and my best friend together.

  “They wouldn’t do that to me.”

  “Are you sure they’re together? We were all best friends but she’s my girlfriend…”

  “Was, Elliott. The word is ‘was’. You can’t expect to leave her for three months and still have the same relationship when you decided to come back. It doesn’t work like that. You don’t deserve a girl like her Elliott, you’re just not good enough...”

  “They seem pretty close, but I could have it wrong.” I turn away before she has the chance to slam the door in my face again, she never did like me.

  Getting in my car after slamming my fist against the roof a couple of times before getting back in the car and pulling away.


  Well, now I know why the letters stopped.

  I never spoke to either of them again after that, I jumped back in my car and made the trip back to London not seeing anyone - even my Mum. I’ve thought of that day a lot, thinking that maybe If I’d asked her what was going on she could have explained everything, but my immature and fucked up mind refused to listen to my own reasoning, never mind hers. When I saw Carson yesterday, the thought had crossed my mind to ask him about that day, but it was dragging up old emotions, I didn’t see the point - I didn’t even know if Cass still lived here let alone work there.

  Closing down my thoughts from the past I decided it’s a new start. Refusing to lie here any longer, I get up and head downstairs. Putting the kettle on for coffee I look in the fridge and find some bacon. Looking in the bread bin I find half a loaf of bread, that surprises me since there’s only been Dale here. I will have to get some proper food later though if I’m staying now.

  I pour a little oil into the frying pan and lay some rashers of bacon in there to let them sizzle. This is what I used to love about being here, Mum always used to cook bacon, the proper way. Every time I came back to visit, I’d stay a couple of nights and I’d always wake up to the smell of frying bacon.

  Making some coffee and turning the bacon, Dale comes into the kitchen scratching his head, his short hair sticking up all over the place. “I smelt the bacon.”

  “Kettle’s just boiled.” He makes coffee while I add more bacon to the pan. “There are no eggs so it’s just a bacon sandwich if you want one?”

  “Yeah, course. You’re cooking it like Mum did.”

  “It’s the best.”

  My emotions are raging right now. I’m angry from last night, I’m sad remembering Mum over some stupid fucking bacon. My head hangs back as I close my eyes and sigh.

  “What’s up, Ell?” Opening my eyes, I look at him.

  “There are a few things you didn’t tell me yesterday.”

  “Like what?”

  “Oh, you know, like Carson runs our old hang out and that Cassidy, my ex-girlfriend works there too. Which is going to be fucking awkward because I got a couple of gigs a week there now.” I don’t look at him, I just keep watching the bacon sizzling instead.

  “Well, for a starter, I knew you’d find out once you went there, and anyway, I didn’t have a chance.”

  “A heads up would’ve been good.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I’m confused.” I put the bacon on some kitchen paper to drain the grease away and put it on a plate.

  “Are Cassidy and Carson together?”

  “No, he wanted her after you left but she never did - as far as I know anyway. Why do you ask?”

  “Because he was treating her like they were together last night at the end of the shift.”

  My jaw tightens thinking of them together. “FUCK!” My fist thumps the side in frustration.

  “Elliott calm down. They’re not together. You left her, remember that. Have you even spoken to her?”

  “Not what you can call... talk, no.”

  “Well, I’m saying nothing else until you and she have this conversation. Carson was probably being the dick he always has been. He was always hitting on her even before you left.” What the fuck. Why didn’t I know that? My confused look causes Dale to frown… “What?”

  “What do you mean he was always hitting on her? What else don’t I know, Dale?”

  “You need to talk to Cassidy.” My brother is usually easy going, but he has things on his mind, stuff he wants to say - but won’t.

  “She stopped answering my letters.”

  “Talk to Cass.”

  Putting his bacon on some bread he squirts some tomato sauce onto it, covers it with another piece of bread and picks it up, taking a bite as he walks out of the room. Putting brown sauce on mine, I cut it in half and sit down, my thoughts shooting in every direction possible.

  After unpacking my case and putting away the clothes into the wardrobe and chest of drawers, I jump in the shower. Standing under the spray brings back so many memories. Cassidy and I sneaking around right underneath Mum’s nose. Climbing through windows, sneaking her in here with me.

  Kissing her as the water pours over us, my hands slide over her wet body until they find her breasts. They sit in my palms and as I softly squeeze, she gasps into my mouth as her hands rest on my arse. Her long blonde hair which almost reaches her bum sticking to her back from being wet. Her soft groans of pleasure, her head falling back presenting her neck to me to kiss. Her gasps sound in my ear as my fingers pinch her hard nipples.

  Shaking my head from the memory of her in my arms with my dick hard, I ignore the need to beat off, wash and step out.

  Heading towards the supermarket, I dragged Dale with me to get some shopping, there’s no way I was doing this shit on my own.

  “I hate shopping, why do you need me to come, you’re the cook, not me?”

  “Because there’s no way I’m doing it all.”

  Ignoring his whining, I toss some basics into the trolley. Getting more bread, eggs, milk, crisps. When I’ve got everything, we wait in the queue to pay. Dale starts loading everything onto the belt as I catch a glimpse of a familiar blonde. Willing the cashier to hurry up doesn’t really work because she’s working in slow motion I think. For fuck’s sake! Looking at her again, she catches my eye and smiles as I walk towards the end of the till, so I can bag up. Trying to keep Cassidy in my sights, I hear the cashier ask if we want bags, I nod subconsciously as she walks out of the door, a kid is walking behind her playing on some handheld game. Pulling my wallet out I throw forty pounds at Dale. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Elliott, just leave it will you. She obviously doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “She hasn’t got a choice.”

  Ignoring his pleas, I run out of the door. I look around the car park until I see her, she loads the bags into the car and turns back my way with the empty trolley.

  Looking back towards the car, the same young boy is with her leaning against the side of her 4x4. Is he her kid? My mind is going around in circles here trying to fathom out things but I’m coming up with nothing. I’m so confused. Why wouldn’t she say anything last night when I saw her in the pub?

  I have to run to catch up with her as she’s already headed back towards the car.

  “Cassidy?!” She turns at the sound of her name and carries on walking. I reach and touch her arm softly stopping her just short of the car.

  “Elliott,” she speaks softly as her head dips to look at the floor before looking at the boy. “Cameron, get in the car please.”

  “Hello,” I answer. My eyes search hers... but nothing. She gives me no indication of what she’s thinking.

  “Wow, you’ve got a son?” I can’t hide the shocked look on my face as I ask.

  “Yes.” She nods as she quietly answers.

  “How old is he?” He looks around seven to me but what do I know, I think as I watch him kick up the dirt by the car, she tells him to get in the car again before she answers but she seems agitated. She won’t look at me and she pinches the skin at her collarbone, making her neck red; she always used to do this when she was worried about something. It’s the little things you don’t forget. She swallows hard before answering…

  “He’s nine,” her voice is quiet, shaky. What the fuck is going here? Am I living in the twilight zone?

  She has a son and he's nine?

  My breath hitches as my head tries to work this out. My hands sit on my hips and my head hangs, I don’t know what to say. Hearing the car door slam, she starts the engine and drives away before I get chance to ask anything else. I watch her leave the car park and angrily I spin on my heel, Dale is standing with his hands on his hips with a look on his face that screams guilty! Narrowing my eyes, I march back towards him.

  “What the fuck is going on Dale? Why didn’t you tell me she has a
kid?”

  “Ell, it wasn’t my place.”

  “So, you let me find out like this, instead?! What happened to family ties? Where are your priorities, huh?”

  “Ha! You’re one to talk about family priorities aren’t you…”

  Shaking his head with a look of disgust on his face he turns and angrily storms back to the car, slamming the door. The sound resonates with me as I flinch. Thinking that for some stupid reason that she hasn’t got further than the exit of the car park, I glimpse over there and see that she has gone. Instead, I march back to the car and face Dale again.

  “I don’t get why you wouldn’t say anything to me?”

  “Why do you think Mum kept asking and asking for you to come back. But no - you’re just too selfish.”

  Watching him, I contemplate telling him about what I saw when I came back all those years ago, but I decided against it, he’d only bollock me for not stopping by. The feel of betrayal stabs away like a knife to the heart. My head shakes in disappointment, hurt, I don’t know anything anymore. Why didn’t she tell me? Dale doesn't look at me, he transfers the shopping from the trolley to the boot of the car but still doesn't say anything, just quietly seethes. If I was confused earlier this morning, it’s safe to say I’m even more confused now.

  Instead of going straight home I head to the bar. With Dale following closely behind, I push through the door and storm towards the bar.

  “Buddy. Pint?” Carson calls from his place behind the bar.

  “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I spoke to you loads of times after I left. You and Dale, yet neither of you thought of telling me?!” He walks from around the bar with his hands held up.

  “Elliott, man. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “The fuck you do! Cassidy, does the name ring a bell? Beautiful, blonde. MY EX! The fact she has a son! You call yourself a friend? And what the fuck do you think you were doing hitting on my girlfriend!”