Heart & Soul Page 8

“Why?” he whines.

  “Because you’ve ignored me enough and it ends today. I’ve let you bang, sulk and shut yourself away but no more.”

  His shoulders slump as he walks into the living room and bounces down on the settee grumpily.

  “Now, I know this is my fault and I’m sorry okay, I didn’t know how to tell you, I thought I was doing what was best for you - but guess what, even adults don’t always do the right the thing. Even Mum’s get it wrong sometimes.”

  He looks at me with his huge sad eyes, the mossy-green colour just like his Dad’s.

  He launches himself at me and flings his arms around my neck. “I’m sorry, Mum.”

  “Oh Cam, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry.” Silence descends around us while I hold my son in my arms...

  “Mum, can I meet him properly?” My eyes close with a sigh.

  “Yes, sweetheart if you want to if you think you’re ready.”

  “I am.”

  “Okay, I’ll arrange it for the weekend. Is that alright with you.”

  He nods happily. “Thanks, Mum. I love you.”

  “I love you more. Anything you need to know then ask and I’ll try to answer.” He nods then runs off upstairs to play his game.

  How the fuck am I going to get through this now?

  Friday night at work you could cut through the tension with a knife. Elliott is sitting at the bar drinking from a bottle of Budweiser staring at me and Carson. I know he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. After the conversation we had in his kitchen about when he came back I haven’t questioned my Mum about that yet - but I will.

  “Dude just get up there and play.”

  “I don’t work here anymore.” He lifts the bottle to his full lips arching a perfect dark eyebrow, begging Carson to challenge him. His Adams apple bobs as he swallows the beer down before pulling the bottle away.

  “So why are you here?”

  “Is this not a public-house? Can I not come here when I feel like it? You can’t throw me out... I’m not causing any trouble and I’m drinking, lining your pockets.” He shrugs as he tips the neck of the bottle towards Carson to prove his point.

  “I think you’ve had enough already?”

  “I haven’t had anywhere near enough. You and me, still have shit to sort out so don’t fucking push me, Carson.”

  He drinks the remnants of the bottle and calls me over motioning with his head. I serve some of the guys down the other end of the bar when he calls out….

  “Cass another when you’re ready only this time make it a JD.”

  Once I’ve finished with the guys I walk back to the top of the bar towards Elliott, his gaze is fixed on the bottle in front of him. I take a moment to admire him, his dark hair, his beard, his tattoos that run all up his arms starting from his knuckles on both hands. He looks so different from when he left. He was a blank canvas with just a bit of scruff on his chin and messy hair. The hair hasn’t really changed, but everything else has.

  “CASS?” He shouts again, pulling me from my Elliott daze.

  He bangs his bottle on the bar. Narrowing my gaze at him I walk up the bar until I’m standing in front of the optics and turn back.

  “Don’t shout at me, Elliott, otherwise you’ll be wearing the JD not drinking it...” I tell him annoyed through gritted teeth. I pour him a double Jack Daniels anyway and turn back with the glass in my hand.

  He stares right at me with a sexy smirk as I place the drink down, I want to look away from him, but I can’t, I’m mesmerised by him, he gets right inside my head when he’s like this. His intense gaze causing a shiver to run all the way through me from head to toe. Carson’s voice drags him away as his head to turns to the side.

  “Dude. We can sort that shit another time, right now just have your job back I need a decent fucking singer man, look at this place, there’s more life in a morgue.”

  Carson stands next to Elliott and looks around the pub shaking his head at the lack of customers in here. “Please?!” He uses his pleading eyes to beg with Elliott as he waits for an answer.

  “Fine!” He sighs.

  “YES!” Carson fist pumps the air.

  “Cass, get the man a drink.”

  “Another? I think he’s had enough.” With a roll of my eyes I pour him another JD anyway, placing it down again in front of Elliott and give him a shy smile.

  Losing my anger from a moment earlier I tell him exactly what I think he needs to hear. “I’m glad you’re sticking around.” With that said, I round the bar and go to collect some glasses.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Elliott

  What the fuck was I thinking saying I’d take my job back? I’m going to have to stand here and sing knowing that the girl that holds my heart in her hands is here and that she doesn’t want me... Well, she may think she doesn’t but I’m going to change that. I’m going to remind her of all the things she loved about me before I left and then I’m going to make her realise how much she’s missed me. Being back up there on stage is the only reprieve I have from my thoughts The constant flashbacks from being with her all those years ago haunt me. We need to talk, I need to tell her what I saw, why I never came back.

  Grabbing my case, I place my guitar in and stand it to the side as I tidy everything up.

  “The crowd loved you tonight.”

  Her sweet-sounding voice stops me in my tracks as it floats to my ears.

  “Yeah, it was a good crowd,” I answer as I look back over my shoulder at her. Her hair is up allowing me the pleasure of seeing the lines of her neck, she has an off the shoulder top on showing off her pale skin. My fingers itch to touch her as my mouth dries, my lips dying to trace up her neck, my tongue running along my bottom lip. I turn back and carry on getting my stuff put away.

  “Here you go.” She hands over a bottle of Budweiser to me.

  Straightening to stand I walk to the edge of the stage and take it from her, stroking her finger with mine before I move away. Her gaze moves to my fingers, burning a hole in them. She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out, her gorgeous blue eyes raise to mine holding me captive. She gives me that same look she used to give me, the one that said I want you, only you. Taking the bottle from her a take hold of her finger and step towards her, squatting down on the stage so I’m at the same level.

  “Do you have to go straight away?” Her head shakes automatically as her breath hitches as my thumb strokes the underside of her wrist. “Do you want to go somewhere after you finish?”

  “Elliott, we can’t. We shouldn’t… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Just to talk.” Her eyes look at me as they assess me. “I swear. We need to talk. You can maybe tell me more about my son?” Her eyelids flutter closed on a sigh.

  “Okay.” She nods reluctantly. The smile spreads across my face.

  “Thanks.” Her gaze holds mine again as a small smile forms on her face too. The noise in the pub has dipped as people have started to leave after Carson called last orders. The pad of my finger tracing her jaw softly, Cass blinks inhaling deeply.

  “I have to finish up.” She breathes. I nod and release her hand. She clenches her fist and opens her hand again as she spins away from me. Her shoulders lift as she takes a breath then walks away. I stand there for a few minutes watching her pick up glasses, talking to the customers and smiling, I want to be the one that puts that smile on her face again, not a stranger. I pack the rest of my gear and take out to my car then head back inside to wait for Cassidy.

  Sitting at the bar I drink the rest of my beer down in one swig.

  “Another?” Carson asks as he cleans up at the back of the bar.

  “No, I’m good. Thanks though, I’m heading out in a sec.”

  I turn my head in the direction of Cass. I watch as she wipes over the tables and picks up the stools, sitting them on top of the tables ready for the cleaner in the morning.

  Once
she’s done she disappears through the staff door as it swings shut behind her. Taking my eyes from the door, I look back to Carson.

  “What’s going on?”

  “What you mean?” I frown.

  “You’ve watched every move she’s made while you’ve sat here, are you making another play for her?”

  “Why Carson? You jealous? Listen I’ve found things out and you’re lucky I haven’t knocked you out yet. You knew my girlfriend was carrying my baby and you didn’t tell me. I know you wanted her for yourself…”

  I shouldn’t be taunting Carson. He’s supposed to be my best friend but so many things have changed while I’ve been away, and I know how he feels about her. “So, take this as a warning…. keep away from her.”

  “I don’t want to see her hurt again.”

  “Who says I’ll hurt her?”

  “It’s what you do, Elliott. You’ll make her fall for you and then you’ll leave her heartbroken... again!”

  “Who says... you? I’m going nowhere, mate. Not again. I’m here for the duration and she will be mine again, even if it kills me.”

  The door to staff room opens again and Cass reappears with her coat and bag and walks towards me. A sarcastic smile forms on my face as I look to Carson again. “Ready?” I say turning to Cass.

  “Yep, let’s go. See you tomorrow, Carson.”

  He doesn’t answer. She walks in front of me as my hand rests on the small of her back and we walk to the door to leave. Once outside, she unlocks her car.

  “I don’t think I should drive,” I smirk remembering just how much I’ve drank tonight. I don’t think the police would be too impressed if they pulled me over. she grabs my hand and pulls me towards her car as she presses the fob to open the doors.

  “Right then, get in. Where to?”

  Turning to ask. “Where is there to go around here now, this time of night?”

  “Hmm, there’s not much around, it’s clubs now, we can’t really talk in a club.” Her eyes narrow as she thinks, “We can go to mine if you want? No-one’s in. Cam is at his Nan’s…”

  “Yeah, okay.” I cut her off, “If you don’t mind that is?”

  “No.” she shakes her head, she starts the car and head for home.

  It’s quiet in the car. Cass spends the whole five-minute drive in her own head, I don’t speak either, so I just watch out of the window. She pulls up outside of her house and turns off the ignition. I sit there for a minute then speak. “Cass we can talk here if you want to, I don’t have to come in.”

  “No, it’s fine.” She pulls on the handle to open the door and steps out. Taking a deep breath as I watch as she walks around the front of the car, I step out shutting the door, Cass locks it with the fob as we walk away

  Stepping inside the house is weird. The last time I was in here we argued. Standing in front of the photos on the wall I observe more this time - they’re cute.

  “That one’s only a few months old,” Cass speaks from behind me.

  “It’s good, I like it. He looks a handful.” I turn to look at Cassidy.

  “He’s not really. He’s just a lad. We all know where he gets that from.” She raises an eyebrow as feel a smirk pull at my mouth.

  “I have a copy of it upstairs if you’d like one that is?”

  “That’d be nice thanks.”

  Our eyes meet again as I smile. She nods nervously.

  “Would you like coffee?”

  I don’t let my gaze shift from hers as I answer. “Please.”

  “I’ll be back in a sec. Make yourself at home.”

  Taking another look at the pictures gracing her wall, I see one of her pregnant, heavily by the looks of it. Her hands are sitting on her hips with her one hip cocked out to the side, looking sassy. Smiling, I move away to sit down on the chocolate brown couch in the corner and get comfy sinking my back into the cushions behind me. I don’t get much chance to take in my surroundings because Cass re-enters the room with two mugs of coffee in her hands. She hands me mine and take it from her taking a sip, then placing it on the coffee table in front of me.

  She sits on the couch but at the other end away from me.

  “I’m not going to bite you know.”

  She sniggers. “You never know.”

  “Well, I suppose there is that.” I smile and tap the cushion next to me.

  “I don’t think I can trust you.” She winks but slides across anyway leaving a small gap between us, I turn my body on a side angle, so I can see her better and face her. “Cass?”

  She appraises me as we’re face to face. My stomach flips as she looks at me head on not shifting.

  “What do you want to know?” she asks quietly.

  I know what I want to ask, I want to know if anything was going on with Carson the day I returned and if there was any truth in what her Mum said, but I can’t seem to get my voice to work. Swallowing hard, I lick my dry lips and attempt to speak.

  “I know what I want to say but I’m afraid of the answer. Right now, I’m just glad we’re speaking.”

  Her head dips as she wrangles her hands together, fidgeting. Picking up the cup from the table she envelope’s it in her hands to stop them from moving. I decide on a “Tell me about Cameron.”

  Her face lights up with a smile when I say our son’s name. Her gaze flickers up to the photo on the wall before she speaks. “He’s a jack the lad, he goes out with his friends playing football and he loves playing on his PlayStation, either football games or car racing games are his favourites, but they’re so expensive. He’s not really any trouble, he’s just a little cheeky, he’s a good boy.”

  “I can’t wait to meet him properly,” I tell her as she takes a deep breath.

  “He wants to meet you too.”

  There’s a tremble in her voice as she tells me, my stomach flips knowing that very soon I could meet my son. I put down my cup before I drop it from the shaking in my hands, all of a sudden, they’ve turned sweaty. Wiping them down my jeans as my leg bounces, I breathe out. Cassidy’s hand settles on my knee to stop the movement. She places her cup next to mine and moves across so she’s sitting next to me. Scrubbing my hands down my face I turn back to look at her. “

  “It’s okay to be nervous, Cam is too.”

  “What will I say to him?” I question her, we haven’t got things straight between us yet, I don’t want to say something to spoil anything.

  “I don’t know.” She shrugs sighing softly. My hand rests on her leg as her gaze drops and watches it.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  Cass scoffs. “Yeah, of course, you have. That’s why you stayed away for ten years.”

  “I had my reasons, Cass.”

  “And what were they? The town too small for you, or maybe you just didn’t want me? I wasn’t enough anymore for the big rocker.”

  “What the fuck do you mean by that.” I frown, “I came back and found out it was me who wasn’t welcome here, I wasn’t wanted anymore. So, I went back to London where I was wanted.”

  She stands suddenly shaking her head and laughing.

  “What’s so funny, huh? Why does it always come back to arguing?”

  “I pined for you. I cried until there were no more tears to shed when I watched that bus leave. I locked myself in my room for days only coming out to use the toilet and when my Mum made me eat. That first letter I read over and over again just wishing, hoping you’d change your mind and come home to me, or maybe it was all a dream and that you hadn’t really left. Mum told me I had to forget about you and that you probably wouldn’t come back.” Her fucking Mother!

  “I went to yours instead hoping you’d be there, then everything would be okay.”

  She looks up at me, the tears glazing over the beautiful soft blue of her eyes. A tear threatens to fall over, balancing on the lid before slowly rolling down over the rise of her cheek. Reaching out my thumb catches it, wiping it away.

 
“She said... she’d heard you’d found someone else, that I should just let you get on with your life and I should get on with mine.”

  I chuckle as my head shakes this time, incredulously. “She would say that!”

  “I wanted to tell you about the baby so much. When you came home after the three months I was going to tell you the news. I had it planned out, but you never came back. I didn’t want to trap you I promise, I would never do that. If you’d have decided to leave to go back on tour then I wouldn’t have stood in your way, I just wanted you to know that you were going to be a Dad.” She sniffs back her tears. Standing up from, the couch, I step towards her and pull her into my chest. I hold her head against me, my hand cupping her bare neck. Her arms find their way around to my back as she holds me tight while she frees the sobs she’s been holding back...

  Using both my hands I tip her head back, her tears, her flushed face, the devastated look on her beautiful face, everything, hits me right in the heart.

  “Cass,” as a gasp escapes my lips crash to hers, her hands fisting the front of my t-shirt as my tongue pushes through the seam of her lips and tangles with hers. They slide against each other as I pour my hurt and anger into her. Our teeth clash as the kiss gets rougher, pulling the clip from her hair that’s holding it up, it tumbles down her back. My one hand threads through her hair while the other holds her face.

  She pulls away from me as I kiss across her face and down her throat frantically.

  “I need you, Elliott.”

  I don’t stop the path my lips are taking, the very one I wanted to take when we were at work, my lips gliding down the length of her neck to where it dips and meets her shoulder. Moving the jumper down further I carry on placing wet, open mouth kisses across her smooth skin until she gasps my name again. “Elliott, please.”

  Stopping to look into her beautiful eyes, gives me the green light to go further. The hand that was holding her close to me moves down her back until it reaches her arse. My hand clutching her cheek as I pull her closer to me, roughly it travels further down until I have the underside of her thigh in my palm. I lift her leg to wrap around my hip as I grind my dick into her, her gasps urging me to go on. We probably shouldn’t do this but fuck it. I need her close to me, I need to remember what she feels like. My other hand covers her soft breast as I massage it, her head falling back on a sigh. I kiss up her throat again until I reach her lips before taking them again and kissing the fuck out of her. This is a need, not want. The pure need to have her where I want her.